date & time; august 20th - 2o25 // 12:14pm
energy; drained
music; kylie minogue - can't get u out of my head


god damn it! i tripped and fell into working 50 hours a week now -- didn't see myself working at the coffee shop that's next to the bakery that i've been at for a year but here i am. it's been nice to finally feel like i will be in a place to catch up on my bills soon. wake up work get off shower, eat, bed. it's definitely not a lifestyle that is sustainable for me but i will try to push through for as long as i can. i got some finicial goals and things i'd love to have purchased before i calm down on the double job thing. things at the bakery are a bit weird without a couple of my favorite people working there. had some problems with upper management and our kitchen manager and kombucha brewer have left our job. the unfortunate part for me is the last couple of people left here that i actually like have fallen weak to the upper managements charm and have been hanging with them outside of work. i've brought it up and how i think it'll be a problem in the future to blur the lines of personal relationships and work relations with your boss but they dont wanna hear it; oh well!

aside from the capitalistic life update heres a creative life update which is >>> I HAVE PURCHASED DARKROOM CLASSES <<< yes! i'll be printing my own photography soon for the very first time. it's so exciting to think about because it's another layer to the process that i can disect and find ways to implement my own elements to it. (style) i purchased some ILFORD 400 black and white negative film (24 exp) to hopefully have exposed before my class this sunday. i think the introduction is just the actual developing of the film which i already know how to do but would love to be brushed up on it; second class is hopefully the printing parts of it. i spent 250 on this class which will include future studio time. proud of myself for getting back into exercising my practices.

sometimes i don't know whats okay to post on this blog because im just feeling it out. i don't know how private it is but i want to start treating this like a real diary, real updates about my work life, romantic life and creative endeavours and anything inbetween. i don't like writing in an actual journal and to me this feels the most comfortable.
- lately i've been doing alot of sexual exploring. i don't know what it is about the guys here where i live in austin but they make me absolute feral - i don't know if it's the anonimity of it all being in a new city or if it's this new wave of confidence i've been feeling. i dont feel ashamed to meet up with guys who are into sissys - i have been embracing it. hair, light makeup, fresh scents followed by something lightly cunty to wear. i haven't stepped into the lingerie game yet but i feel like i am heading into that direction. i might come back to this post in the past, or reference it in the future - and talk about the kink i dived into this week. august 13th i met a man that turned me into an absolute fucking WHORE -- that's all. i've got work in 20 minutes so i'm going to just leave this here. x0x0 bam



date & time; july 29th - 2o25 // 8:59am
energy; creative
music; sade - love is stronger than pride


holy fuck, i didn't think i would ababdon this website like i did for so many years. it was always in the back of my head to come here and throw an update around every now and then especially every month i got charged but i just couldn't bring myself to do it. i never canceled my memebership here at neocities becasue 1. i love them and 2. i knew eventually i would feel inspired enough to come back. BOOM BBY im back (for now);

alot, and boy do i mean A LOT of things have changed in my life since my last post. i'll write down vague updates on the years that went by and then catch up on what's going on in my life currently.

2o22-2o23 - were the years i stepped into my indepence the most by moving into my own place for the first time, alone. a little over a year of not answering to anyone, coming and going as i please, decorating and moving furniture around every other day, leaving dishes in the sink when the depression was hitting a little too hard, running around my room dancing with my nuts flying everywhere, having random men in my house at late hours of the night without worrying if im being too loud or if im invading personal boundaires and all the other things that come with the comfort of living alone. although i did live off of frenchmen on the otherside of elysian fields in new orleans so sleeping with a pistol was a regular nightly occurance. i truly enjoyed living in this little shotgun house i had that was only $850 a month, during 2o23 too which you really couldn't find ANYWHERE in this city; truly blessed until i wasn't anymore. i was forced out due to a hurricane hitting the house and the roof was literally disintegrating and flooded my room and living room on several occasions, the last big storm that big was my final straw; i had to get out of there for my sanity because my landlord at the time was not interested in fixing the roof and basically told me that if i didnt like living with it raining inside my apartment everytime there was a storm then i should move out, in which i did.

jumping to mid 2o23 - i moved in with my mother across the lake and commuted daily to new orleans. i was able to save some money up and during this time which was nice and i found my love for sourdough baking this year. i became consistent with my bakes and eventually started to do pop-ups at my job selling bread to the neighborhood and my regulars. i was in contact with my bestfriend from childhood at the time and he was dealing with sickly parents; things we're getting super rough for him after losing his parents and we decided it would be best if we were living together. he left texas with all of his belongings and came and lived with me and my mom for 3 months. during this time we decided we wanted to move to austin texas, somewhere new to both of us; some character development i guess you could say. i have some really close friends that live in austin and there lease was coming up so we managed to find the perfect house and signed a leave.

boom, summer of 2o24 - moved to austin with my bestfreinds in a beautiful house in south austin; things were so great upon arriving, i got a job almost immediately in my field of baking and started hitting the ground running. there was a huge stent of months where i started to get back into playing world of warcraft as an escape from my feelings i wasnt processing involving me moving away from home and my biggest support group; family & my bestfriends. my routine was dry, non creative and just doing the thing to keep me somewhat happy and distracted.

2o25 - finally crawling out of my WoW depression i've been working more hours, saving money, trying to prioritize getting back into the swing of my creative processes i used to love so much. since ive been in texas ive only really made a couple of things that fulfilled me in a creative way. more recently i told myself i'm gong to start with some self portraiture once i get the lighting equiptment i need. ive been working on my website for filmmaking and photography so im hopeful i can hold myself to completing it and getting it out in the world for people to enjoy.

in a perfect world i'd love to update my diary often and just practice expressing myself via entries but sometimes it can be much. sometimes i like to express myself not in the ways id like too more so just in the ways that feel better in that time. im going to hold myself to updating this bitch as often as i can so so hopefully this isn't the only post of 2o25. ;D

x0x0 bam



date & time; january 3rd - 2o22 // 1:00pm
energy; big hyper
music; sci-fi tv in da background
WARNING - LONG POST

Ahh! My first post on here - this deadass feels so nostalgic to me. I used to make websites like this all of the time with a cute close knit blogging community back in like 2oo3 where we would run message boards, make custom angsty layouts out of our favorite bands / musical artist and help each other code really beautiful CSS - which is what it used to be all about....then myspace came out which was great but killed a lot of that community followed by facebook. YYYUUCK! I'm actually still online friends with everyone I used to blog with back then and have been sending them Neocities websites to try to lure them back in..but I dont think it's working haha. It's definitely a labor of love and something that I've been doing when I have exrta time instead of doom scrolling on IG & Tiktok. Back then ii used toOh talk wiith dOuble ii'Sz and capiitiilized O'sz which you are gonna see alot throughout navgitaing here. I imagine this page will be alot more popular than the page I had growing up because most of my relationships I have now have been made through online / social media.

cowgirl-thugette is starting out as a personal website used mainly as a digital diary with a handful of resources. I plan to add a lot handmade goodies / graphics / blinkies / playlist / photography / film and any other creative things I make. I've had a hard time putting out anything creative due to the platforms available are absolute garbage. (Instagram / Facebook / Traditional 'professional' websites) The main things I want to pull from this is getting back to the community feeling of the old web while not feeling completely overwhemled by posting. Casually. At my own pace. I miss trading links, signing guestbooks, chatting on AIM, exploring or just chatting through emails. I miss this escape.

I want to upload a bunch of the old dollz I used to post on my website that I ended up finding through the internet archive -- was soo happy to find that most of the images loaded. I found this out in like 2016 so I ended up saving them not even knowing about Neocities which Im kinda sad that I've just found out about this even though it's been out since 2013 (Thanks to Kreayshawn for really putting this website on blast and getting my ass motivated to atleast START) I agree whole heartedly with the whole movement of trying to bring back the old web because how tf we gone go from hundreds of thousands of personalized webpages to literally three apps that just use us for data and $$. Definitely not worth it because the doom scrolling puts me in the worst moods